His wide eyes, his light caramel skin, and his effeminate posture made my heart and soul sink. Sink so low that light no longer caresses. Yet, this darkness is alluring, and it's even, dare I say? Familiar. You're rushing, you don't even know, but you are: back to where you should belong, back to a place of comfort, back to a place of just, lust, and love. You're rushing back to me, and you don't even know! Please - I don't want to be alone in this reconnection.
His innocence inquires, and I mustn't relay the gruesome details that pierced me, and continue to do so. How do I answer without lying to his naivety? How do I answer without being apathetic to his true self? I couldn't - I lied, partially. He's your blood, not mine, yet I'm obligated, much like I was then, and compelled to protect him from harm, even if it is you. I'm compelled to be the stabilizing force you cannot offer to him; even in your absence, he is tormented by scrutiny: let him live! Live beautifully, simply, honestly.
The embraces spark a fire. Not between him and I, but between us. You were there: in mannerisms, in speech, in quirks, in slight appearance, in spirit. I felt you there, felt you near. Felt a warmth that hasn't been replaced yet. Felt ...
It's a late hour, and I'm here, contemplating, wondering, wishing, abhorring, loving. You shouldn't have left this heart to shrivel. It was all yours, in everything. I'm here, stammering the same arguments, the same fucking arguments that you never cared to listen to. I'm crushing myself to try to attract your reason, but there's no dealing with you rationally, is there? You degraded yourself: I believed in you. With everything I had. Not because I had to: you, somehow, shone a light that could not have been ignored, yet.... it was futile. That light was not yours; then whose? Then why?
I can't breathe anything but YOU now, and I'm falling short of breath....
Stammering, crying, craving, raving, ranting, panting
You never really went away, did you?
No comments:
Post a Comment