Catharsis

Don't think I'm beginning to torment you, because that is not my intention. I only wish you the best, and perhaps you don't care about what I'm about to say, but you need to know this. You need to know that I love you for the wrong reasons, and I want to love you for the right ones; I didn't realize it until I fell asleep, and woke up crying this morning.
I love you because of what you do for me, and I want to love you for the way you make me feel. I know the distinction is hardly noticeable, but follow me on my logic, if you wish. I realized that I'm lonely and alone, even with a life like mine that has granted me a plethora of amazing friends, and you. Even though I'm surrounded by people that care about me a lot, I still felt, and continue to feel dissatisfied with everything that I do. I am not excited by that which used to bring me excitement, nor am I capable of caring and loving as much as I used to, and it's a problem within me that only I can fix. I cannot oblige you to follow me into the depths of uncertainty with me, when the consequences are exactly that- uncertain. I love your company, I adore who you are, but you were only a service to me, and unfortunately I only realized it today; I did not intend for you to be that, and I don't want you to be that, especially if I want you back as much as I do.
I want to be in love once I am who I am supposed to be, and not in the state I am now. It's not fair to you, and no matter how much I want you back, you shouldn't come back to me until I am certain of myself.

 I swear on everything that I do love you, and I really want you back.