The Way Things Are

Well, I'll ramble once again about things that'll never change. I'll muster up the energy to rehash that which is to be forgotten, but just can't seem to leave. I'll do this to myself simply because it feels like the right thing to do sometimes. Sometimes, rather seldom, I think about everything: from beginning to end. It seems like a fairytale that has been polluted by its frequent repetition. Everything that was beautiful now is only mildly moving. But at night! Oh, at night everything is so vivid!

And I have to remind myself of the reality that I live in. You aren't mine, and I'm not yours. Nothing was meant to be, and that is just the way things have to be. Forget reasons, forget reason. It's just the way things are.

Happy thanksgivingg!(: i hope you enjoy your day with your friends and family!(:

Letter to Myself

There are many things I want out of life, but in a man? Not many qualities make me happy, and I find that hard to conceive, but when I introspect, these qualities are the ones that matter most.


I want someone who'll treat me like their best friend, but that will also know how to love me.


I want someone who will challenge me, but also support me.


I want someone who will let me love them as much as I possibly can without worrying about a lack of integrity.


I want someone honest, truthful, intelligent, understanding, driven, passionate, and humble.


I want someone that understands my humor and will partake in it. 


I want someone to know when it's business time and when it's leisure time.


I want someone that'll love me like I'm willing to love them.


Perhaps I ask for too much, but that's what I want. Nothing less will satisfy this lonely heart. That brave man will hopefully see that he too has a brave companion to meet his needs and wants as he'll meet mine.

Sweet Enlightenment

Laying in bed, and memories of what used to be drip into my mind. Hopes of a perfect life when the basis of everything was so corrupt; how naive of me. I don't blame anyone; there's nothing left to say. Love was love, heartbreak was heartbreak, and nothing else. Nothing else happened, nothing else was to happen. I'm happy now, and that's thanks to such an abrupt halt into what I had became complacent with. Thank you for your time, it was an introduction to life. To forget anything is to be ungrateful. To be ungrateful would be to be unwise. 

And now time moves forward to the brighter days of the present, each day striving for the eternal sunshine. There hasn't been a day where love and happiness have exuded themselves to warm me. There hasn't been a day where friends remind me of what is childhood. There hasn't been a day where life hasn't kissed my cheek. I could stand before the masses and proclaim this blessing, but to know it and appreciate it matters much more. Had it not been for the lovely darkness, this warm enlightenment would not have been as sweet. My life now would not be so joyous had it not been for the despair.

Enamored by Happiness

Memories both good and bad
but mostly inhibiting
Day dreams of newness that appeal
To my heart

A lust so strong it was called Love
Debauchery at best
New friendships that remain true
To my heart

Wasted efforts on less than worthless
Futile tears and supplications
Days so bright that call
To my heart

A year of torment now sweetly erased

A devil now disappeared

An angel to sing to my dreams

To my heart

Fickle Existence

I leased my ideals to a devilish fiend-
Thank God.
I rented my heart to a lier and a cheater-
Thank God.
He made his mark during his visit-
Thank God.
His momentary presence damaged me-
Thank God.

Thank God it was only Love, and not Commitment.

Mourning.

What IS permanent in this lifetime?
Does love die when it's most needed?
And friendship? Does it fade like the wilting rose?

When I needed you most, why did you leave?
When I had nothing else, why were you so comfortable leaving me alone?

What is permanent in this lifetime?
Can I too fade with the memories I hold so dearly?

YOU

Fickle is the mind, but not my heart. I wait, not so patiently, for your arrival. How ignorant of me. Eyes wander, and my mind cannot restrain. The heart does not haste. My heart does not haste. Love, how dare you leave me? This vast space is free, unoccupied, desolate. Not for the acquisition of the feint hearted. Not for anyone, but you.

I Do Not

I'll pour out every bit of soul I have left-
You have no idea
You have no clue.
Yet I love you?
With your distance,
With your disdain
I continue you to love you the same.

Have I no afterlife to look forward to?

I have almost no desire
to further inquire
why it is you've left me.
And yet I remain -
cold, calamitous, crazed.
Stop holding me so close
When I can't have a daily dose.
Stop pretending that you cared
when in actuality you never dared.

Have I no afterlife to look forward to?

Indeed I do not.